the feeling of being so alone and full of shame and the constant anxiety can make you wanna get away.
Dark thoughts happen in isolated rooms with nothing to do when shadows over look you.
Taking drugs or altering your mind to escape reality can feel like quite the vacation. a sensation of relief like dipping your warm toes in a cool, calm lake.
Like a warm blanket that surrounds you and keeps your blood circulating with a pulse.
You can escape from reality, but only so often its like a rubber band. You can stretch it for a while, but eventually it either snaps back or breaks off.
i just sit at my computer and type pointless words and phrases into search engines, hoping that somehow it will save me from how i feel; or give me the answers i need to feel satisfied with myself. Trapped inside these walls, I feel lost, depression and anxiety try to take me away again. As I listen to the rain drip against the roof, and smear against the window, distorting images of the lonely neighborhood into an gloomy abstract world of art; a sense of comfort comes about.
“you cant look to far ahead into the future,
as you may overlook a moment
but you cant look to much into a moment,
as you may forget about the past
and you cant dwell on the past
or it may drag you down and leave you there forever
My biggest fear in life is not being able to fully express my ideas, and share my creative thoughts with others. To slowly fade away from life, plagued through the death of creativity and expression within inner self. A death of creativity and expression, before my literal death where my identity forever becomes all that I ever was and is no long based on what i am, and what i can do, for i have left this world an unknown genius.
I wish I could share with others, what i think on a daily basis.i want to take you through my creative thought process, through my obscure thoughts and see if anything is new to to you. But unfortunately, I find it so difficult to integrate my smoothly flowing thoughts into such a solid reality, that when i try to explain my clear and vivid thoughts, I find myself lost, searching for words, and trying to explain myself to others. Sometimes it feels like I’d be better off just keeping my thoughts to myself, protected behind my skull and not to speak from my lips and not to give anything away from my eyes, not to share anything with others. But there’s something inside my thoughts telling me to tell you, so its basically like a paradox going on in my head.
So many people have died, forgotten and full of talent."
were all living in hell cause were all humans,
and dark purple skin bruises,
more deep than the herion addict that uses,
pain as an excuse to misuse and abuse,
and follow down that life because its the path he choosed,
and like pre chewed food, it doesnt get more raw than this
except maybe a dime in a wet t-shirt no bra just tits.
Why do you do me like this
If only you knew what it does to me
You, shining beauty, oh so heavenly
I shed a tear
The night stars, euphoric
So tonight I have to poor it
Until she looks like you, feels like you and fucks like you